The Cooper's

We're normal!

2009-06-09T04:47:00.000-07:00

As I sit here I can help but not understand how it's been 5 years since Bry was first diagnose with Autism. But the part I find harder to understand is why people who have been in our lives for his whole life still don't get it.

They don't get that a trip to the grocery store, or Wal-Mart can be exhausting. All can be going well and then he see's something he wants and it's all over. He'll yell how much he wants it..."please Mamma, please, I need it Mamma." And it takes everything we have to finish walking through the store. At times we have to drag him out of the store, kicking and screaming. I once took Bryan to the post office and we had to stand in line for quite a while so he started to meltdown. I had an older lady tell me that maybe I should leave, to discipline my out of control child and return when he could behave. In my usual form, I put my sweet little smile on my face and told her, we'll ma'am my son has Autism, but I'm not quite sure of the reason for you being so rude!

Bryan
at one year.

Then, there's also the weddings we've been invited too. We can't take Bryan to a wedding...no matter how much someone wants him to be there. He does not get along with all kids and if he does not like someone I don't feel the need to make him socialize with them. Most people I know don't think that approach is the correct way to go about it. But the way I see it is, as adults we get to pick who we spend our time with, who are friends are. Just as kids who are what most people call normal. Why should it be any different for Bry. Not to mention that when someone does not do something he wants to he has a meltdown.

Bryan
at 2 years.

We just had Mr's mom spend 3 weeks with us and a friend of mine asked how the kids we're handling it. By this time we were just a couple days away from her leaving. I told my friend that Bryan really wanted Nikki out of his room. Then she tells me, well he need's to learn to sacrifice for the people he loves....

What the hell! I'm thinking that was a long time for any child to sacrifice...especially a child who's day to day life is a routine he's made for himself. And for him to have Nikki in his space for 3 weeks is a big deal and who gives a shit if by day 18 he's sick of it.

I have never really had anyone (besides Mr.) believe in Bryan like I do. I believe one day he'll grow up, go to college and have a job he loves. I believe he'll find the woman of his dreams and get married and have kids. But I also know his limits and what he can and can't handle right now. I don't get how some people can spend so much time with him and still not get it. Mr. showed up with no experience with a child who has Autism. But he jumped right in, absorbed everything and it just clicked with him...it took him no time at all (a week, maybe) to get Bryan. To understand what he needs and how to handle things. Now that might be because Bryan attached himself to Mr. from day 1..which is further proof how great of a man Mr. is! But people who have been involved in our lives longer than Mr. still don't get it.

Another thing no one get's is that the baby I brought home from the hospital...the little boy I had for the first 18 months was not the same little boy I had when he turned two years old. I lost that little boy, he left, in a way that little boy died and for several years left me with a shell of a boy who wasn't really there. My baby didn't talk anymore, he didn't like me singing to him as he had before, he didn't like to be in the middle of a room full of people and he would throw himself on the floor and rub his poor little face on the carpet when he was frustrated. My baby was gone and I grieved for him, I held him and cried myself to sleep at night because he was gone, I prayed for him to come back...but he couldn't, he was lost and couldn't come back. And while now I know it happened for a reason, I couldn't help but have so much anger for loosing him..so much anger for loosing what could have been.

Bryan
in Kindergarten.

How was I to know what he would eventually be. He grew out of that shell I was left with and he's is one of the most amazing kids I know. The child that didn't talk for 2 years will talk you ear off now. He no longer has the echolalia (the repetition of words made by another person) and he loves to be the center of attention again. You can't help but love him, everyone does. He has made so much progress that he's surprised his Autism specialist at school, his speech therapist and everyone else...he's always keeping them on their toes. All the kids in every class he has had absolutely loves him and they don't care if he has a meltdown in class. They do what most of us do, ignore his meltdown and when he's done then he's a part of the class again. Just when the teachers and specialists think they've got him figure out, he's changing again. Every week I notice changes in him and it furthers my belief that he will overcome it all....just as I told the pre-school when they told me he was Severely Autistic.

People have asked me all the time if I wish Bryan could be normal...Bryan is normal, we are a normal family!

And I feel so much better after venting a little.

Even more summer fun...

2009-06-07T22:49:00.000-07:00

When the kids
came home from
their dad's
they noticed they
got a new toy...

Sorry about the blurry picture...I'm thankful that my parents let me use their camera but I really don't like it!!!

They're pooped
all ready!!!

Bry will enjoy
it more than Nik.
Soon I'll get a picture
of Mr. on it!!!

Kickin off Summer!

2009-06-06T15:26:00.000-07:00

Well it is officially summer, summer, summer time!!! The kids have been out of school since Wednesday, not very long at all but boy have we had some fun packed days all ready.

We've spent every day in the pool...we'll the kids have anyway. It's where we usually spend our summer days. Lots of sun screen, huge pool noodles, goggles and cute beach towel overload.

So since I have not posted in a while I figured I'd show everyone what exactly we've been up to in the last couple days.

We've brushed up on our fishy skills!

Broke 2 pair of goggles!

Played tag with Grampa....

....and lost!!!

We got Kortland to smile!!!

We played lifeguard!

And Bryan got "throwed" in the pool!

And they haven't even been out of school for a week. But this is a look at what we do during the summer. I end up taking lots of pictures. The only way to tell when they were taken is to judge by the kids tans...thank goodness they don't have my coloring!!! Oh, I forgot to show you how Trish and I spend our time at the pool.....

2009-05-18T08:20:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

This is my very first Not Me Monday....bare with me it might take me a while to get in the groove.

I most certainly was not me who let my daughter skip her softball game on Saturday! Nikki was told to practice her pitching, she would pitch at the next game. There was no practice at all that week but she practiced at home. The coach has her favorites and her favorites are the one's that act out. Both of her favorites threw a fit about Nikki pitching, crying, yelling, stopping 2 year old fits...they both got to pitch. Coach told Nikki next game...we'll next game rolled around and the next and Nikki still wasn't pitching. She talked to the coach, I talked to the coach. It was not me who called the people in charge and complain about the coach who does not do anything, it was not me who told them the team only had an average of 1 practice every 2 weeks. It also was not me who mention that it's the other parents that help at practice, the coach sits on her butt, along with the asst. coach. And I also was not me who remind them about the amount of girls who have quite this coaches team in the last several years because she does not do anything. Did I mention the coach is a friend of mine, but hey, I tried talking to her and it didn't work. But, it was not me...no way...not me.

It also was not me who spent the last of the grocery money on laundry soap and tp only to find out when I got home that we had enough for 2 more weeks....nope, not me. And it also was not me that went back 2 days later with almost $20 of Hubby's change in to get milk, juice, bread and a couple other things.

Not to mention, it was not me who got irritated at her amazing Hubby, because he was helping me clean. Just because he washed my good work clothes (for the job I don't have) with the kitchen towels. And it was not me who got even more irritated when he moved items that were on the kitchen counter into an empty drawer. He was just trying to help but it was not me... Nope...not me!

And it was not me who notice the kitchen breaker switched off the other night...but continued to try to microwave the steamed veggies...that sooo was not me! But, I have to say that wasn't even close to topping the time that I did not try to vacuum the living room when we had gone all day with no power in town...THAT WAS NOT ME!!!

Well, I thing that was pretty good for my first Not Me Monday. This week has been a little unusual for me...I haven't had very many Not Me moments...I must be coming down with something! Don't forget to hop on over to MckMama's to see all the other Not Me Mondays!

The proof is in the pictures...

2009-05-01T10:17:00.000-07:00

These two are definitely mine!
These are the kids new school pictures, their second pictures of the year.

Nichole Lynn

I can't believe that she'll soon be 11. She is my mini me...as everyone knows. Mr. & I keep telling her we're locking her up next year because she'll start 6th grade at Central. I give her until he end of the summer until she's taller than me...her feet are all ready bigger! And who would have thought she could get even more beautiful the older she gets! 3 years until high school, 4 years until she can get her permit...UGH!!

Bryan Matthew

My baby is 9! It's hard to believe how much progress he's made in the last 5 years. He'll be a 4th grader next year. That's a long way for a kid who we were told didn't have the ability to learn! Just like I always say, "He may have Autism, but he's not Autistic...it doesn't define who he is." He continues to prove everyone wrong... every day. There is nothing this boy can't do and he knows it! He amazes us every single day!

And I promise to get to posting the kids trip to Walking with the Dinosaurs...hopefully tomorrow!

Happy Birthday Bryan!!!

2009-04-26T18:48:00.001-07:00

Wow...9 years old! I can't believe how old he's getting or how big he's getting! He's had a fun filled birthday weekend...3 fun packed days. Friday night he got to spend the night at Auntie Tishy's with Kortland. It was the first time in about a year that he actually stayed all night. Granted he went to sleep at 1:30 in the morning and woke up about 5:00. But at least Uncle Darrel didn't have to bring him home after it got dark. We had his birthday party yesterday.

We didn't have a big party with a bunch of friends because we knew this weekend might put him in major meltdown mode. So it was just family and a couple close friends. Today the G's (my parents) took Bryan, along with Nikki & Kortland (my nephew) to Yakima to see Walking with the Dinosaurs. Bryan has been so excited for the last several weeks. He even had a little free time in homeroom Friday and talked to his whole class about what he was going to do for his birthday...the whole class wanted to join him.

As most who know us know, Bryan loves dinosaurs...he is an expert. At the beginning of the school year they had a week where they learned about Dinosaurs. His teacher, in one of her discussions, had made a mistake...she'll tell you she made many. But after her first one, Bryan corrected her and then she asked him to help her out. He was up there the whole week, his desk by her's. He even came home that Friday with a Dinosaur expert certificate and a book all the kids had made, they had all drawn him pictures of their favorite Dinosaurs and tied it up with ribbon.

Anyway, back to now...here are some of the pictures from Bry's party! This is his cake that Uncle Darrel made...Darrel's getting to be a pro! I'm not sure how he'll top this one. It's even better than the flip flop he made for Nikki last year.

Mr. & I decided to splurge this year...OK, so we do it every year! We had planed on getting him a Bionical...good thing we didn't. He ended up with 3 of them...thank goodness they were all different and all one's he didn't have. Instead we decided to get him a new bike...this one is to replace the one he just busted the tires off of...at least it lasted 4 years. I only hope this one lasts as long, I hope it lasts at least until he's outgrown it.

And just to throw it in...here is a picture of Nikki, Bryan and Kaleb (their little brother). They all played on that bike for about 2 hours. When they finally came inside they we freezing their little butts off.

As usual he had a blast, it's the whole center of attention thing! Mr. & I also redecorated Bry's bedroom. We got rid of the bunk bed and put up a bigger boy bed, some new posters and a new rug. It's definitely looking more like a 9 year old's room. I'll also get another post of their day with Dinosaurs done tomorrow.

Nik's 3rd game

2009-04-25T13:56:00.000-07:00

Well, today was Nikki's 3rd softball game. Let's just say, the girls did great considering...they have only had 3 practices. 3 games, 3 practices...something is wrong here!

But, they'll get better...Trish & I are squeezing ourselves right into asst. coaches, they have no choice!!! It's been 4 weeks since the season started and you would think these girls would have some idea as to what they are suppose to do...NOPE. All the poor little things look so lost out there. But today was better than the first 2 games.

Today they played against a team who is just as lost as they are. They actually played the team that my best friends daughter is on. It was really fun to sit there with Kortnie and watch our girls play, especially since we always played against each other when we were little...and our mothers watched together. I find it hard to think that Kort and I have been friends for 26 years! It does not really seem like it's been that long.

The girls lost but not by much. Nikki was shortstop today...

But she did hit the ball...and even got to second base! Nik looks like a giant out there with all the other girls. At 10 she is the oldest on her team, but the youngest is only 8. It looks like there all so much younger than her.

And here are the girls...all pooped out!

Nikki & Alicia...they are both the tallest on their teams! I really should have gotten a picture of their big o'feet!

Can't wait for the next game! Actually, can't wait for the next practice. I get to coach Nik on pitching.

The whole other post...

2009-04-24T10:30:00.000-07:00

The first thing you need to know is that when I'm mad, angry or hurting I curse like crazy.
So, here it goes.....

When Mr. first moved back here we knew we were going to get married and we both wanted more kids. So from day one we've been trying to get pregnant...with no luck. Months of negative tests and disappointments. Then to top it all off there are many, many people in our lives who think we don't need a baby. And when it comes to these people, I don't even have the energy to discuss it with them. I get mad and tell them to drop it. There is hardly a single day that goes by that someone does not say something. We've heard it all...

"With the way this world is falling apart why would you want to bring a baby into it."
That from a friend who's beyond thrilled that her daughter is pregnant! It was a total "Bite me" that jumped out of my mouth!

"You guys just need to wait until you have enough money to support another child."
Hello, we were both 20 when we each became parents for the first time...we have a lot more money now than either of us did then! Not to mention, I'm 30 & he's 38...our time is ticking away here!

"You all ready have 3 beautiful kid why do you need more."
That from a perky little friend who has 3 kids between her and her hubby and is pregnant with another...my response to her was a little harsh but I think I got my point across. I looked at her with the sweetest little smile on my face and said "What makes you think your so F&%#@!$ special!"

"Why in the world would you want another kid, yours are almost all grown."
This from another friend who is pregnant and not at all happy about it. Yet another "Bite me"...followed by a "next time I guess you'll keep the closed sign on your hooh haah.!

"I would love to have another grandbaby, it would be great...but it's just not a good idea."
Yep, that from my mother...one of her thousands of comments!

I can't believe how upset I get at everyone. How much everyone of them hurts so bad because all of these people know how badly Mr. and I want a baby, know how long we've been trying. All we ask of everyone is to keep their opinions to themselves...it's not their decision to make or their lives. But apparently none of them get the hint. They keep giving us their opinions and I keep fighting the urge to tell them all to "F&@# Off". We only have a hand full of people who support us, who get it and understand. For years I listened to my family tell me to find a guy and get married and have more kids. But now that I'm there, they've changed their minds...but it's not their decision, why don't they get that?

I know how I feel every time a see a prego belly or a baby. I see Mr.'s face when he notices too! It breaks my heart that it has not happened yet. He missed out on so much with Blake, he wasn't given a chance to be there for it all and enjoy every minute of Blake growing up.

So, we have decided to still add me to Mr.'s insurance. To get going on some appointments to figure out why we haven't gotten pregnant and see if we can even get pregnant. And whoever does not agree with our decision need's to get over it! Be happy for us or go away! We love you all but I don't know if we could be any clearer!

Unemployed means no baby

2009-04-21T08:18:00.000-07:00

We'll it has happened, I am now unemployed. I had known someone would go, just didn't figure it would be me. I had made the changes that we're asked of me and was told I was doing great and the boss was proud of my improvement. Then last week, without writing a book here, I stood up to him. He tried to get mad at me for not doing all he thought I should have for my customer and I told him I'd helped her many, many times before and I know what she likes. He said from now on he would be the one to help her, I said whatever and then by the next afternoon I was fired. He told me it was because I hadn't made the changes he asked of me, then I again stood up for myself again and made a point to tell him what he had told me about doing great and him being proud. What it amounted to is that I argued my point to let him know he was wrong and he didn't like it. I wish I had done it sooner! I had always backed down, it felt good to stand up to him!

But, like I had said, I knew someone was going to go but I had figured it would have been... The one who sizes everyone wrong just to get their sales up for the day because we don't have their actual size in stock. That tends to make customers upset when they have to bring something back. Or the one who likes to start crap by getting everyone mad at one another, who makes snide comments just to upset someone and twists facts to make them look better.
But in all honesty, better me than them. Now I don't have to put up with it. I don't have to worry about being stepped all over by people who say they care about me and love me, don't have to worry about what kind of mood the boss is gonna be in. I don't have to put up with all the grumpiness from everyone and the drama. If the boss is grumpy everyone is grumpy...it's commonsense. But the boss was right about one thing...I wasn't on his team, but that's because he never treated me like I was on his team.

There are many sad point for me thought. I had worked there since I was 14, for special events. I worked for his father, I worked for his brother and I use to love that job. In the last 4 1/2 years I have watched everyone who truly loved that store die...all the great one's who really truly cared are gone. All that's left is a little store that doesn't feel the same, it doesn't feel positive as it once had. It's just a store, nothing special about it anymore. It was a job I could see having for the rest of my life and I was damn good at my job. And I really hate to say this but I will never go back there as a customer. I also feel like everyone who works there who says they care about me and loved me don't, they would have stood up for me when they found out. But I have one great true friend I made there and I know she got my back and I know she means it when she says she loves me. One out of eight isn't bad is it...OK, so it is. But it's their loss not mine!

We now have some tough decisions to make. Luckily we don't have many bills so we'll be OK for the most part. But, there's also no insurance for me, I would have lost mine at the end of the month anyway but now there's no income to add me to Mr.'s like we had planed. We can't afford the medication I should be taking for my asthma or the Dr. bills. So should we make it even tougher and add me to Mr.'s insurance after all, that's a big, big chunk of money. We're talking more than the car payment and insurance combined, 70% of what our rent is, more than what we spend on groceries and our electric bill combined. Would it leave us enough money to survive, is it worth it? But the hardest part for me is that it puts our baby plans on hold, for now. I'm sure that makes some people happy! With no insurance we can't get the help we need to get pregnant. I know, I know all things happen for a reason...but tell that to the ticking clock I hear everyday. And after a year and a half of trying that clock is pretty damn loud and get's louder everyday! But that's a whole other blog!

Way to sing Nik

2009-04-07T09:26:00.000-07:00

Nikki's school has a choir class called The Wildcat Choir. It has just a handful of 5th Graders. They we're picked out of the regular music class at the beginning of the school year.

Well yesterday Nikki spent the whole day at The McKenzie Theater at Eastern Oregon University for the Third Annual Elementary Choir Festival. There were schools from all over Eastern Oregon that attended. They all joined in and learned a couple new songs. They had lunch in the cafeteria and then had their own concert. Each school did a couple of their own songs and then they all joined in and did the new songs they had learned. She had a blast!

I remember doing the same thing in High School for Choir and it was always fun. To have all the schools together and spend the whole day singing. As much as she likes to sing I wish it could be something she could do every year. But since she will be a 6th Grader next year...GASP...she will not have that opportunity again until High School.

Mr. & I we're unable to attend the concert because of work. But my sister, Trish and her husband, Darrel drove over to watch the concert and said is was great. My nephew Kortland is also in the choir. Trish had taken quite a few pictures...but she's not so great with a camera so they were all fuzzy.

The only problem she had was she came home with a stomach ache and had to say home today...Kortland too.

But at least they had a BLAST!

Way to go Bry Guy!

2009-04-05T12:05:00.000-07:00

Well, a couple weeks ago we had a meeting for Bryan to discuss his IEP (Individualized Education Plan). It's a plan done for all kids with special education needs. It's is a list of goals and special classes they need. Bryan's IEP is quite simple. He's required to spend at least 60% of his day doing other resources to qualify. So he spends 40% of is time in his class with other kids. Then the rest of his day is spend doing math, reading, speech, etc. He has a Para Professional (Jaqie), who assists him throughout his day. Taking him to his classes and helping him with his work. Man oh man does he love his Jaqie.

At our meeting we discussed his behavior and his progress. We were discussing his speech and language, which is done by one teacher once a week for each class. During our meeting Bryan's daily journal was being passed around the table and it was passed to his speech teacher. She spent about a minute looking though it when she said, "I will not be seeing him for language anymore." We all just stared at her and she said, "he doesn't need the extra help anymore." In fact she even told us that soon he won't even need his speech class.

After 5 years of these meetings that I dread, finally something great comes from one. Bryan's has completed goals before, we usually have to reevaluate his IEP every 3 months. But he's never been to the point of getting to drop a class. We received a letter from the teacher stating that Bryan has completed all the goals needed and is no longer in need of assistance in language...so now he get's an extra free time that day.

Bryan's come so far...everyone at his school is so surprised.
Not us, he will make it so much farther than anyone believes!

I gave in!!!

2009-04-03T22:09:00.000-07:00

We'll, I've broke down...gave in...decided to start a blog.

To keep family and friends who do not live close enough to us updated on our lives. The good & bad, ugly & beautiful, crazy & calm.

First of all I'll start off with a little background. Mr. & I met back when I was 16, he was 24. We we're friends for quite a while then he moved away...and broke my heart. We lost contact for 13 years and it only took a couple phone calls for us to decide he needed to move back here and it did not take us much longer to decide to get married. Between the two of us we have 3 great kids!

Blake Daniel is 18 years old. It's hard to believe he's that old. He was 4 when Mr. and I met, he had dark curly hair, a husky little voice that sounded so funny coming from such a little boy and he always had his little red cowboy boots on. Now he's a handsome man who's still trying to figure himself out. There's still so much I don't know about him. But I do know he will continue to grown into a great man!

Nichole Lynn who is 10, she'll be 11 soon. She's a good mix of tom boy and girly girl...yes there is such a thing! She loves riding her scooter, swimming, reading and her DS is practically glued to her. She loves basket ball, just started soft ball and this was also her first year for choir. She loves make-up, clothes and thanks to Mamma's job she now loves shoes! She's growing up too fast, but at the same time she's not in too big of a hurry to do so.

Now for Bryan Matthew, he will be 9 in just a couple weeks. He knows all there is to know about Dinosaurs. He also loves Lego's, super heroes, reading and playing his DS. He also loves to talk you ear off about any thing and everything. Five years ago Bryan was diagnosed with Autism. It's hard to believe how far he's come. He's proven everyone wrong and has gone from a child who was non verbal to a child who only stops talking when he is asleep...I think! There is not a day that goes buy that he does not amaze us!

They all keep us busy. We have truly been blessed, but it did take 13 years to get here. I always knew I was waiting for someone, that the person I was to spend my life with would just be there one day and that I did not have to look for him. Maybe deep down I even knew who he was!